Thursday, January 24, 2013
An Open Letter to My Computer and Printer
You think you are SO smart. You think you own me? Well, you don't. I don't care how hard you try to control my productivity, with your sudden crashes, your delight in showing me your spinning circle of indecision while you decide how long to make me suffer until you take me to the page I want to see. Oh yes, I know that you mock me. You and your partner in crime: Mr. Evil Bloated Printer.
Yes, let's talk about your accomplice. That poor excuse for a printer. And I might add - and I don't care how insulting it is -- the printer is fat, and not in the good, urban dictionary, kind of way either. Your sidekick has eaten so much paper and cardstock over the past few years. And what did it get him? Nothing but more coughing and hacking - loudly, I might add. But did the printer ever learn? No. He just kept coughing. And he never covered his mouth.
But have I learned? Oh yyyyeeeeeeeeeeesssssss! [said in my most maniacal way possible, whilst clasping my hands together in utter joy]
I'm done being at your mercy, oh dearest computer. And I'm done being a paper waitress for that bloated printer too. (Not to mention, my husband is sick of hearing my outbursts throughout each day and evening as you mess with me.)
You think I'm powerless? Do you? Well... The. Joke. Is. On. You. Because you just crashed your final crash on me this morning!
I've got a new laptop and a new printer. Uh-huh. You two are being replaced. You have crashed your last party. Chew on that for awhile Mr. Paper-Guzzling Printer, you and your gluttonous ways are done. Your crash (pun intended, oh yes) .... where was I? Oh yes... Your crash diet begins today! Hah! You're my b*tch now. And you will continue to scan for me, but that. is. it. We are SO over.
And I am Z snapping all over the place right now!
With no love whatsoever,
And to my readers: Yes, I may have gone a bit crazy today and decorated my printer with red glitter ears and such, but it felt soooooooo good. ;)